Conflicted

The Winter Meetings have come and gone and as the new year approaches, Mets fans have been louder than the actual team. The lack of communication and commitment to a competitive payroll has lead some fans in the direction of a boycott.

Part of me really wants to boycott. That part of me wanted a new Mets t-shirt for Hanukkah but only asked for a Red Sox hat because I've already started moving toward a boycott. That part of me is ready to yell and scream and make sure everybody knows I won't give the organization a cent until the Wilpons either commit to spending enough to field a competitive team or sell the team to someone else who will.

But a big part of me loves baseball and the Mets. I love Brandon Nimmo. I love Michael Conforto. I love Jerry Blevins and Travis d'Arnaud and Kevin Plawecki. I love most of the misfits who put on a Mets uniform. I want to watch them and cheer for them and support them.

I also just spent most of three years without baseball and I don't know if I can lose it again. Baseball is an important escape for me. I can't afford to see Broadway shows all the time and my favorite artists aren't always on tour but for half the year I can watch the Mets on TV.

I know boycotts aren't supposed to be easy but there's so much other crap in the world that I don't know if I can justify taking the one accessible escape out of my life.

I obviously want the Mets to win. I want to root for a good team. If I watch games next season, it won't be because I approve of the ownership or entire organization. I'll watch because the players don't deserve to be abandoned by their fans. I'll watch because I'd be more miserable with no baseball than with bad baseball.

I won't judge anyone for not watching and hopefully nobody will judge me for watching.